Change only happens when a person is highly motived to change, not when you want them to change ~ Dr. Wexler on TrueTori
Truer words have never been spoken.
Think about for just a moment….
OK, have you ever forced somebody to change by simply asking them without giving them some sort of motivation? Take children for example…motivation can come in the form of a reward. Money for good grades. Or they get to do something special if they complete these chores. Motivation can also come in the form of punishment. If you get bad grades you will lose your phone for two weeks. Or, if you hit your sister again you will sit in time out. Change does not happen without motivation.
This is basic B.F Skinner, Operant Conditioning. However, it took me watching a silly reality show…
Well, it isn’t silly. I do believe that Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are dealing with the aftermath of his affair. I have been cheated on and she is not that good of an actress to pull off those very real, raw emotions. I can’t stop watching this stupid show. I relate and I’m hooked. i digress…
motivation=a new job.
Many things motivate, but what is the biggest motivator of all time? Fear. Fear of not having enough money. Fear of being alone. Fear of going without food, water or shelter. Fear of being a failure. Fear of losing your loved ones. Fear of dying early. Fear of commitment. Fear of divorce. Fear…is the single most movitator for human behavior. The flip side of the desire to have something is the fear of not having it. For example. I desire to live a long life = fear of dying early. I desire to make my parents proud = fear of disppointing parents.
What reinforces human behavior…primary needs like…food, water, sex, affection, human acceptance, etc…what is on the flip side of that??? That’s right folks…fear.
So, if you are struggling to figure out why someone has done or is doing a behavior that is destructive, you can find the motivating cause most likely in reinforced behaviors or fear and desire. What will make them change their behavior? Their desire to, which is driven by what? Fear or Desire! That’s right. And what is the best way to change someone else’s behavior? That’s right… change your own behavior! After all insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Just a little food for thought!