So, here is the story of guy number two…
But first a little back story, so this story will make sense. I have a young adult daughter. I know, I can’t believe she is an adult either. She and I are pretty tight. She knew I was going out on a date this night. Lord, it had been two years since she had seen me get ready for a date, so she felt the need to give me advice. I know what you are thinking- I couldn’t wait to hear it either. Her advice was, “Mama, have fun, but don’t let him touch the no-no square, okay?” I about fell over. I mean I laughed so hard, I think snorted. The no-no square – where did she come up with this?
On to the date story – The guy I was meeting was a facebook friend of more than 3 years, but I had never actually met him. We decided to get together. I met him at a restaurant. He had dinner and drinks, I only had drinks (I was nervous and not hungry). The date was going well. He then invited me back to his place to watch a movie. Now, remember he is really a stranger, but after two glasses of wine this seemed like a good idea. I promptly tell him, okay, but I am not going to have sex with him. I wanted to set the expectations. He looked offended. I didn’t care. I then told him I needed his address so I could GPS my way there. He said I could follow him. I told him I needed to text it to 4 friends in case I didn’t show up for work the next morning people would know where to find my body. I know, I am shocked he still wanted me to come over too. However, I needed to GPS my way there so I knew it was a legit address. He reluctantly gives me the address and off we go.
We get to his house. We open a bottle of wine and start the movie. We saw maybe 10 minutes before we start making out on the couch. It isn’t long before he has turned off the movie and has turned on some music. We are now dancing in the middle of the room for what felt like hours. We are now on to the second bottle of wine. Is anybody else counting my wine consumption? I am. I am now on glass #5. Not good for a petite person who didn’t eat dinner. At some point, I end up against a wall. There is some heavy making out at this point. I am really liking this guy, but out of the blue…I feel the need to leave – too much too soon. So I tell him I have to go. Yep, mid-on-the-wall-making-out I say I have to go. He immediately says, “Wait, why? Did do something wrong? I did everything you asked. I didn’t touch your, what did you call it…your no-no square.” WAIT? WHAT? I sobered up real quick! I didn’t even realize I had given him boundaries, not to mention dropped the term no-no square. Can you say horrified?
So, it gets better. Now I go into some rambling about how I am not going to go to church with him. I love Jesus, he loves Jesus, but I’m not going to church with him. What? Where did that come from? He follows me out of the house. Begs me to sleep on the couch because I have had too much to drink. I get in the car anyway, after telling him he’s cute.
I get home, and realize I left my favorite scarf. I text him that I left my scarf. Here is how this text convo went…
Me: I’m home. I left my scarf.
Him: I know. Come back and get it.
Me: No, I’m not going to.
Me: Not sure. Probably not.
What makes one send a #welovejesus text after a pretty steamy date? The answer: 5 glasses of wine and I have no fucking idea.
So, after two days of me kicking myself in the ass. I finally text him to apologize, and explain to him why I know he won’t want to see me again, but I still need my favorite scarf back. So I offer to send him money to send me my scarf. His response was if I want it I have to come and get it. So, I asked when would be a good time. I couldn’t believe he would want to see me again. Never heard back. That was 3 months ago.
I think it is a safe bet to say I will never see my favorite scarf again.