As more and more becomes clear, the only thing clearer is that Mr. Perfect has left his share of broken hearts, and he too has had his share of broken hearts.
So, I believe I explained in an earlier post that I had been friends with Mr. Perfects ex-sister-in-law for 26 years. We are the best of friends years ago. Then I got married and moved away and we lost touch for a while. We reconnected several years ago through Facebook. Since we reconnected we have seen each other a about 5 times a year on average. I would say we are friends, but not best of friends at this point. When I started seeing Mr. Perfect I really struggled as to if I should tell her. After discussing it with several close friends and Mr. Perfect I decided to wait. Mr. Perfect, though divorced, is still trying to sell the house that he shared with his ex-wife and clear up some other financial obligations. He was wanting to get through all of that without a lot of drama from her. They fight…a lot.
For over 3 months my relaitonship with Mr. Perfect was blissful. I mean absolutely blissful. I was so happy. Then I get a call from Shady and since then things have just spiraled down the rabbit hole. Last weekend I called my friend (Mr. Perfect’s ex-sister-in-law) and spilled the beans. She wasn’t mad, but she didn’t really know what to say. She asked for some time to think on it, but said she would call me on Tuesday. Tuesday came and went and Wednesday night I asked her if she was going to get back to me. Well what followed was her calling me drunk (she’s an alcoholic), she cried and hung up on me. So, the conversation moved to texting. She told me she had called her sister (Crazy) and that her sister was aware of me. She said if I wanted to salvage our friendship I needed to call her sister right then. She then sent me the phone number. I called Crazy right then.
After some initial awkwardness, we proceeded to have a nice conversation. She wanted to know when I started seeing Mr. Perfect. She was wondering if we had started seeing each other prior to the divorce being finalized. She wanted to know how many times I had met her daughter (Mr. Perfect and Crazy’s) daughter. She asked how she acted with me. She asked how serious the relationship was with us. I told her that I had thought it was really serious before I got the phone call and now I wasn’t sure what it was, because it was as if Mr. Perfect had just checked out.
She went on to tell me her experience with Shady (the ex-girlfriend). Crazy had an affair with her boss almost 14 years ago that Mr. Perfect found out about. I was aware of this fact. She said she tried for years to make it better. They went to counseling, she said she was an open book, she did everything she could to make it better, but he just never got over it. Then she said he started seeing Shady about 5 years ago. She said the last five years of her life with Mr. Perfect was hell. She said because of her own affair it was like she never got out from under that and it was as if Mr. Perfect felt he had a free pass to do anything he wanted. She told me the stories of how she found out about Shady, how he would say he would end it and she would think things were ok and then Shady would be back in his life.
Crazy became aware that I was in the picture this past January. Crazy and Shady met in January to discuss Mr. Perfect. This is when Crazy and Shady first became aware, that there was someone else in the picture (me). Shady had been Mr. Perfect’s OW for all those years. Now that the divorce is final she thought she would land him and they would be free to be married like they had discussed, there was never an official engagement. Crazy had a lot more insight into what has been going on than I did.
Crazy also told me that all the way up until she moved out of the house the first week of December he was begging her not move and to work on the marriage. For the record, I was aware that they were living in the same house when I started dating Mr. Perfect, but it is a big house with a big finished basement that he was staying in until the house sold. Crazy said that they were sleeping in the same bed. I’m not sure if I believe this, because during that time I could call him at all hours of the night and he would answer. I don’t believe you answer the phone when your ex-wife is lying right next to you. Especially, an ex-wife that claims her husband is supposedly working to rekindle a relationship with you. And I don’t believe he was trying to get back together with her.
Crazy was very nice to me. She said that I had done nothing wrong, I just got pulled into the middle of this crazy mess. We ended the conversation with her saying she hoped it worked out for Mr. Perfect and I, because she knew I was a decent person and if Mr. Perfect had to have somebody in his life around her children she would hope that it would be someone like me. She gave me her blessing. However, she warned me that there is a long history with Shady and him and if he is shutting down like he is now that he is probably back with her. She said he never really gets away from Shady. It was obvious from our phone call that she has spent many years obssessed with Shady and Mr. Perfect. And rightfully so. I think many of us can relate. She told me she wanted time away from Mr. Perfect. That she needed him to leave her alone and give her time to heal, which I agreed. They fight non-stop.
I spoke with her for five hours and we did not get off the phone until 7:00am. During that time I drank two bottles of wine. I literally passed out in bed at the end of it. I woke up 12:30pm yesterday, hungover and exhausted still. I spoke to Mr. Perfect as soon as I got up. He hadn’t heard any of this. While I was on the phone with him he received an email from Crazy asking him to only communicate with her through email. I told him that he needed to respect her wishes. He said that he was hoping they could be friends for the sake of the children. I told him with time and space he would probably be able to get to that point. He asked how I was feeling. I told him I was overwhelmed.
So, after much thought and talking with Crazy I think this is what has happened. I think he has had a five year affair with Shady. I use the term affair loosely, because I know during a big chunk of that five years he had moved out of the house and the divorce had already been filed. However, I think him and Crazy went back and forth during that time. I think he thought at one point that he and Shady would be able to be together, but over the course of the five years things just got so messy. I don’t think he ever really finished his relationship with Shady, much like I hadn’t with W when Mr. Perfect and I met. He has been living with this love triangle mess for years, his wife’s affair 14 years ago, then the “affair” with Shady for years. With me it was just easy, unmessy and just normal. Now, things with us are messy too, because of this. I think part of his attraction to me was having the easy, unmessy relationship without all the crazy, paranoid behaviors that comes from when you find out the person you love hasn’t quite been faithful. We were just normal without all the drama. We were just two people falling in love. I don’t think he ever fully forgave his wife for the affair. I don’t think Crazy ever fully forgave him for what he did with Shady. I think he dealt with the drama between Shady and Crazy for years. I think Shady sees him as her meal ticket. I think Crazy just wants a fresh start and is trying to navigate this whole new divorced, single life.
Part of me wants to talk to Shady again. Our first conversation I said very little. However, I think I need to just let it go.
Mr. Perfect and I talked for quite a bit yesterday and throughout the day. He seemed overwhelmed, and I was definitely overwhelmed. He mentioned that this is all we talk about. Even I am sick of talking about it, but it seems that it is always just there under the surface. I have more answers, but I think I’m just as confused as I ever was.