Home » Uncategorized » The art of letting go…

The art of letting go…

The art of letting go isn’t always an easy one, but a lesson I have been trying to learn for the last 6 months…well, most of my adult life really. The past 18 months really has been a whirlwind of change for me in my life.

18 months ago was when my finace told me he didn’t know if marriage or even being with me was what he wanted…3 months later I would find out it was because he had gotten another woman pregnant.

15 months ago I met W.  He turned my world upside, and though I had been contemplating a move to a new city 300 miles away he sealed the deal.

13 months ago I found out the love of my life was married.

11 months ago I moved to the new city.

3 months ago I moved to the current place I live.  I also ended things with W when I realized he was not going to leave his wife or keep the promises he made.

2 months ago, because I have an ex who doesn’t like to pay child support I got served with papers where he was seeking full custody of my kids…that is still on going, but the judge in our case thinks he is crazy, but still a never ending battle of legal crap. This was also the time I reached out to W, because the heartache of losing him with the combination of possibly losing my kids was more than I could handle.  The possiblity of losing my kids is now passed, but at the time I didn’t know that.

Today…Because of custody issues with the kids, two moves in less than a year’s time, stuff with W, learning my ex-fiance had fathered a child with another woman while we were together, friends who have come in and out of my life (mostly because of my moves)…I am learning the art of letting go, or more accurately how to turn off the emotions.

I like to think I am a sweet person with compassion for people.  Someone who can see outside the box of societal norms.  If you could meet anyone who knows me personally and well, they would say my biggest flaw is I care too much for people, and I trust too easily.  I would say my biggest flaw is because I care so much people, I tend to overextend myself.  I don’t think that people can ever care too much.  This world needs more compassion and caring people in it.

I think I have finally hit a place, where I need to let go.  Let go of the people who don’t give back, let go of the crazy emotions that stop me from achieving my goals…Just let go of the things I cannot control.

I miss W.  I still hear from him, but things just aren’t the same.  They haven’t been the same since December…it is time for me to re-evaluate and just look at what I really want out of life…for me and my children.  It is time.  I am tired of putting on a happy face for the sake of facing the world…I want to be happy.  I want someone in my life that wants to share my life with me, that will be there, where I am important to them.  I want a companion. I want a friend.  I want a lover that is just mine.

It has been a whirlwind…but I think I am approaching the full circle mark.  I want only positive people and positive emotions in my life.  I feel change brewing, and I know I can’t start the next chapter unless I end the current chapter.  That chapter ending will either come in the form of him living his truth (or the truth he tells me is his truth, may not be his real truth), or I start living my truth with a person who can be completely available.  Either way I know this chapter has run its course.  So, as I learn the art of letting go, I hope that I stand strong and true to me and what I really need out of the people I bring into my life.



13 thoughts on “The art of letting go…

  1. I’m so sorry about all of this. I feel it deeply in my heart. It seems you and I have suffered similar experiences. My ex also tried to take my children away years ago (post-decree) in an attempt to reduce or completely nullify his child support obligations. While I won, and retained sole custody, it was some of roughest, most frightening moments of my life. That was when everything changed for me, and I no longer tolerated toxic or greedy people in my life. I cut useless relationships left and right and focused on my children and what I wanted.
    I wouldn’t give someone else the power of ending a chapter in my life. I would grab proactive reins and begin creating my own life, People will either be on board or not, but I wouldn’t wait one minute longer for someone else (like W) to make major decisions for my life or keep me in suspended animation. You DESERVE to have a man in your life that will show up every day for you and your children; not be an emotional drain where you’re the one constantly giving. And your children deserve to have that too. To see their mother being loved and cared for by a responsible, giving man who would climb the ends of the earth for you. You’re selling yourself short, and the gift that you are, by settling for someone who makes you wait endlessly for him. A man that truly loves you would make the leap for you. It’s time you start seeing your value and pushing away people that don’t enhance who you are – those people that don’t contribute to your well-being. It’s time to get beautifully, downright angry and demand a better life. You are clearly a strong, caring, loving woman who will be an amazing gift for a well-deserving man down the road. Never sell yourself short and what you have to offer. Teach your children well by example about their value also.
    Grab the reins of your own life, girl. Never place them in the hands of someone who is uncaring, reckless, and selfish or puts you on hold. You will feel so empowered when you take responsibility and become the creator by keeping that energy for yourself to drive your life instead of giving it away. Continue to trust people, because that’s the only way you’ll remain open. Just get better adept at knowing when to leave and let go. Life is nothing but a series of tiny deaths. Little losses along the way. And you can’t grab another thing when both your hands are full, so let go of something useless to let something or someone with purpose come into your hand. Release the attachment, because before W there was someone else you loved. And after W there will be another. No question, if you stay open and take hold of the reins. Become an expert in loss. This is where you’ll find your freedom. xo

    • Wow Tiffany!!!

      I couldn’t have verbalized that better. I can see why your blog is called The Recovery of Words. There is so much truth in what you write.

      What you write is so true, and a truth I am learning as I am living it. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to write that. You have no idea how endearing your words are to me, and true! I am actually going to post them to my blog in a seperate post, because the world, women…need to hear what you just said. Beautiful! thank you!

  2. Ah, you’re so sweet! Thank you for that!

    You’re going to be okay. I know you are. You got this, girl. x

  3. Tiffany, that warms my heart to no end. I am so truly happy for you! Really, truly! Please keep me posted…I need a good ending! And I would love for it to be yours…and a few others I know. We all need that good ending!

  4. Tiffany is spot on….I am happy with the choice I made…I chose Me 😀 …. so very grateful for the support you gave me during that hellish time….love you lady…. muah

    • I know you did! I am so glad you did too! You really did go through it. I see you coming out on the other side too. I didn’t realize it until we got done chatting the other day…We met as OW, but we had a conversation almost completely void of the men that brought us together 🙂 It was nice to just talk about us, you know? Love you back! I’m still putting your Eat, Pray, Love trip out in the universe! xo

  5. I am so amazed I found this site! It was created just for me it seems ( and all of you) I feel less alone knowing there are others in my same situation. I am currently in the devastatingly painful grieving process of my soulmate returning to his wife ( for the sake of the family) even though both of us know that the love we share is rare precious and deep…. My situation maybe a little more complex as we love on different continents, but my heart and soul share the same sentiments. I had dreams of him before we met and it was love at first sight. I had never known what a twin flame was but after we started our connection I was soon led to the information which resonated with me at a soul level. I was so shocked by his announcement 4 months ago that he was needing to give his marriage another try ( one that had always been a struggle since day 1) and to ” let me go” …… He said he would always love me and that he was sorry. My world collapses as I thought he was my destined life partner. Now I am struggling with letting go, moving on, alone as a single mother, heartbroken and in soul shock. I have held hope alive in my heart that he would change his mind after some time with her,but I need to face the fact that he’s not willing to break up his family for our love and that I will have to find meaning in my life and happiness without him. It’s been the most intense spiritual crucible I’ve yet faced. We aren’t in communication ( his choice). I pray that God send me consolation and clarity, healing and hope, surrender and serenity. Thank you for creating this site. It mirrors my life so intimately right now. I am somewhat relieved knowing there are others with similar stories, and possibly happier endings. Xoxo

    • Hang in there. I do think that we meet people that we connect with on an intensely, deep level from day one. I believe in soul mates. However, I do believe you can have more than one soul mate. hang in there. I know you are in a moment of hell right now, but even if he isn’t part of your happy ending, you can still have one. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you can. Thinking of you and hoping you find some emotional peace from the storm of emotions you are experiencing right now. xoxo

      • Thank you for your reply. I agree that we have multiple soulmates. He was the closest I’ve ever felt to ” home”, that deeply comforting familiar sense of truly belonging. Because he ultimately chose not to be with me, I am choosing to see this as an opportunity for self love and continued evolution. If he hadn’t come into my life and filled it with such intense peace and joy, and then left… I probably wouldn’t of reached the deep states of grief and pain I’m currently experiencing. Maybe Spirit set it all up this way for me to try heal my core wounding and discover my own divine love and connection…. Maybe that’s what his role was… A catalyst of transformation….. I must say though, it has been demanding all of myself to make it through…. I have never cried so many years or felt the utter pain of abandonment so sharply. I still miss him terribly…. I pray daily, surrendering it all to God for the highest good…. Send him love and blessings and do very best to see what inside me needs to shift towards greater wholeness love and authenticity. I am not sure I will ever see him again ( which feels so surreal) and I am also open to the miracle of an even more aligned being to come share my life with me ( although right now that seems improbable), or for him to return again at some point ( which I am not hanging on to)… This life is a mystery…. Perhaps we will be reunited next time around…..how do you get someone out of your thoughts, heart and cells that was such a deep part of you? How do you love without the attachment or pain of loss? Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t of met him…. And then another place inside says… I called him in for this epic courageous journey of healing…. Still crying EVERY day…. Praying for the light to enter me once more and heal this broken heart .

  6. I hate to sound so cliche but time does make a difference in the level of pain. My pain has lessened as has my focus on what I thought we had. The efforts I have been making to heal myself and to create the life I deserve is a gift I decided to give myself. I still miss and love him but letting go is a gift to myself as well.

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