Pictures…

I was recently talking on another blog with a fellow OW about pictures. 

I have noticed that not many OW have pictures of their MM or pictures of them together.  W and I have so many pictures of each other and with each other.  I probably have a 100, and W almost has just as many.  We both keep them on our phones.  I have told him he is probably asking for trouble with that one, but he assures me it is fine.  He’s had them on there for over a year now, so I guess it is good. He says he likes to take them out and look at them when he is missing me.  I like doing that too.  

I wonder why a lot of us don’t have any pictures.  I know the obvious reason, because we don’t want photographic evidence of the affair, but I imagine there might be more to it than that.  Maybe, because the relationship is so secretive many of us are never in group company where pictures might be taken.  Or many people in an affair don’t take vacations together, trips or do outings…the events where many people take photographs.

W and I have taken many trips together and have done lots of group get togethers and family functions.  Some of our pictures have come from that, but most of them we have asked a stranger to take, or we have taken ourselves.  I love having the pictures to help us mark our memories of our time together.  We have always planned for a life together, and I think he wants to take the pictures just as much as I have to mark these early days and memories.   

W has always said we were different from others having an affair.  I am just curious, how many of you (OW/OM) have pictures?  

Where has the time gone???

Has it really been almost 3 weeks since my last blog update?

I get on here everyday and read what you all are doing, but I haven’t actually posted what is going on with me and W.  So, here it goes.

We are doing well.  A couple of weeks ago he came to visit me and we spent a weekend together enjoying each others company.  We went to some family parties for a little bit one afternoon, and he met some more of my family he hadn’t met before.  We again discussed us getting married and what it will be like when he actually decides to get divorced and what he is facing financially, emotionally and physically.  He is quite aware of what that will entail, or at least he is aware as he can be without actually having gone through it.  He is still scared, still wants everyone to be ok, still feels somewhat stuck.  I understand, I have been where he is.  I know the difficulty of what he is facing.  We discussed him seeking counseling to help him deal with some of those emotions and to get advice on the best way to help everyone get through this and recover.  He still maintains that he wants to leave his marriage and he doesn’t want to be married to his wife, but he is very unsure how to go about getting out without hurting his children or her.  This is a very real concern for him, and for me if I am honest.

I am not concerned about him not leaving.  I believe that he will, when it is right, but I am concerned about him, his wife and his children.  I too want what is best for everybody, and want them all to come through this with as little pain as possible.  Should I feel guilty?  Some people might think I should, but when I met W he was looking for something.  His life was not happy at home.  He was on the internet looking for something that was not being met at home.  He was searching for a way to make himself happy and to put a band aid on the loneliness he felt.  Maybe the way he went about that is wrong, but he didn’t want to hurt his family, he wanted to feel better.  Some people call that selfish, I call it self preservation, and he was trying to preserve his family.  However, if someone is that unhappy at home and they feel like they need something on the side in order to feel better, and they don’t feel their marriage is fixable…it is probably best that they leave the marriage.  Best for everyone involved.  I don’t believe someone should stay married for the sake of staying married when they are miserable and have been for years.

So, I am trying to be the best friend I can to him.  I am trying to sit back and let him weigh his options and figure out what he needs to do for himself and for his family.  So, he and I continue to move closer to each other, and he is still mulling over the different scenerios in his head.  However, I know that we will be ok, he will be ok, and his family will be ok, but it will take time to get there.