I haven’t posted here in a long time. I have been keeping up with a few of my blogging friends over the last couple of weeks privately.
On the day of my last post, I got hit with some really hard stuff. Without going into too much detail, I found myself overwhelmed with life… I got hit with something huge and I hit bottom. While I was trying so desperately to stay afloat in this thing called life. I was like a boat at sea that was bailing water to stay afloat and I basically got blindsided by hurricane and I was in trouble of drowning.
I did what I had fought for weeks not to do, and the only thing I knew to do, and that is I reach out to W. I needed him at that moment and only the comfort he could offer. After downing what probably equated to three bottles of wine that day, I texted him what was going on.
He responded immediately, even though it was extremely late at night. We talked by text for two hours that night as I told him what was happening and he calmed me down and reassured me. He said he was glad I had reached out to him. We shared lots of thoughts about the the three weeks we didn’t speak. He had never really left me, though it had felt like it.
We have since talked every day and I have seen him since then. He even stayed with me one night, and I am not a bit sorry either. It was the best sleep I had gotten in weeks. It was the first time my world had felt right in a long time.
There has been a lot of communication, a lot of me wanting answers, as to where we go from here.
Before the break up there was a distance that crept in to our relationship over a course of a few months that I didn’t understand. We have discussed that and I now know where the origin of that came from. I understand where things went wrong and why we are where we are. This may have been the best thing for us in the long term.
He is not completely to blame for where things broke down, though I did a lot of blaming. I have owned my part in what happened, and so has he. Sometimes in relationships you have to step back and step in the other person’s shoes. That is hard to do when you are dealing with your own pain, hurt, anger and frustration. It is hard when you are living in a fog. However, the fog is lifting and I see this as way more complicated than either he or I first saw it when we fell in love.
He and I have decided to work on things. I don’t know how it will turn it out, but I do firmly believe that he was put in my life for a reason and I plan to see it through. The odds that we even met each other were so slim to none, and the incredible love and connection we share is so rare, it is hard to imagine there isn’t some other reason for us than this.
As for my personal crisis, it is still ongoing. It will be for a while. Each day is a different adventure right now. Some days are good and some days are bad, but no day is as bad as the three weeks he wasn’t in my life. I’ll take it.
I want to continue my blog for the women who reach out to me and are interested in other women’s stories who go through this. I have it here raw and though edited for privacy for W and I, the feelings are real. And I want our story to be recorded.
Today, W and I are good and on solid ground. And I find that I am, dare I say happy for the most part. I am actually excited for the future and what it holds in store for me, and for W. My boat is still rocked by the hurricane that hit me two weeks ago, but I know I have many friends and family members that will help me weather the storm, and have helped me weather the storm…many of which I met right here. And I also have my first mate, W, right by my side too. We got this.