I have been so busy the last two days! I won’t lie, the distractions have been a great mental break for me. I have barely even had time to think about W, and that felt fantastic. I have been focused on me and settling in my life. As I was doing that I did come across two items that made me miss him so much. One was a rock. A rock that he and I had picked up on a special day and we inscribed the date with our initials. I love rocks and have always collected them from places I have been. This little rock broke my heart when I saw it, as my mind was reminded of all the tender moments between us that day and how much hope I had for our future then. I didn’t have long to dwell though, because I was in the midst of chaos. The second items were some scarves that had become very special to he and I. Those stopped me in my tracks and made me cry for a moment. I still haven’t allowed myself to revisit that one, as it is to painful right now.
I suppose there will be triggers like that and I should just come to expect them for a while, but the upside is I managed it and still got through my day and what needed to be done.
I am now on day 11 of no contact. I still miss talking to him and hearing from him, but it has gotten easier. I did find that I wanted to send him texts and pictures of what was going on in my life, so that he could see the outcome and progress I have made in a project that I started before we broke up. In the past I would have done that, and I would have sent pictures of the items I came across as I know they were special to him too. I resisted the urge and reminded myself that his absence was his choice and I respected that.
I still haven’t gone on my date. I haven’t had time, but he is waiting patiently for me to have an evening when I will be available and has communicated with me daily. I’m not nearly as excited for this date as I should be, but you have to start somewhere, right? Baby steps is what I keep saying.
On another positive note…I have been having conversations with friends that don’t revolve around him as much. This is a good thing and shows that he is no longer occupying my every thought. Many times throughout the past year I had a hard time focusing on the conversation unless I was discussing him, because he was so much at the forefront of my thoughts.
The next fews days won’t be as busy and I am hoping that my progress forward isn’t just a result of being so busy. I know that I have a lot to work through still and I am not near being over him, but I hope that I will continue to take positive steps as I learn to live my life without him.