Home » After Break Up » Finding myself…

Finding myself…

I have been sitting here reflecting on so many things tonight.  The growth that has occured in recent months has been remarkable.  Out of the ashes sometimes the Phoenix does rise.  The biggest thing I have learned…I AM A STRONG WOMAN!

Yes!!!! Let me say it again…I AM A STRONG WOMAN!  Not only am I a strong woman, but I am resourceful.  I am kind.  I am beautiful.  I am someone who is joyful to be around.  I am a good friend.  I am fun.  I want to bring more of my fun and playful side to my blog, because I have missed her!

Let me introduce myself…the girl who got lost in all this madness! This girl loves funny movies! I love stand up comedy and love to speak in movie quotes and make people laugh.  I laugh more at myself than most people do.  I am a complete klutz and I am goofy.  I have been known to break out in song (though badly I admit, but I sing anyways, because singing is my favorite and the best way to bring Christmas joy to those around me) and I break out in dance.  I am the girl you see dancing and doesn’t care if anyone is watching.  I am also the girl that will walk into a new a place and make a friend, no matter where I am.  I am the person who will find the beauty in anyone I meet, with the rare exception of just truly awful people.  I have two rules…no one cries alone in my presence and no one throws up alone in my presence.  If you leave and go somewhere with me, I will never leave you and I will make sure we make it home safely no matter how much we have had to drink.  If you need someone to hold you as you sleep at night, I will do that too.  I will wipe your tears and feel your pain.  I have no tolerance for bigotry or judgement.  I find beauty in the groups of people that many hate…You know… they hate them because they claim the bible tells them to.  I don’t know what bible they are reading, but Jesus loved everybody,  even the supposed “unloveable.”

I enjoy a great intellectual conversation based in theory.  I can hang with true intellectuals and I can hang with the ignorant (ignorant is not a derogatory term, it means without knowledge or education).  I enjoy making a difference in people’s life, and I believe everyone I meet has something to teach me.

I don’t believe people are poor because they don’t work hard enough, or don’t have enough motivation or drive.  I believe people are poor because they don’t have the resources (health, education, adequate family support, an above poverty family of origin, etc..) to not be poor.  I believe in the simplicity of life and what that offers.  I would rather have one amazing, loyal friend than a million dollars (I am blessed with many, friends that is, not millions).  I believe in people before things.  I believe in the power of love.  I believe in forgiveness and give it freely.  I love to watch a plant grow from a seed to full bloom.  I find wonder in the world and don’t believe my way of thinking is the only way (this is mostly true… bigotry being something I don’t give on, or truly hateful, vile people). I am open to other ideas and cultures.  I believe that all things on this planet are of value, plants and animals.

I am a hard worker and a lover of knowledge.  I enjoy higher education and learning new things.  I am capable of overcoming obstacles and do so all the time. I love a great glass of wine paired with a simple appetizer.  I believe I have a lot to offer society and my fellow mankind.   I am confident.  I can set a goal and achieve it.

I am so complex and this barely covers it, but I am me and I love who I am! I am beautiful! And I wouldn’t change anything about me!


8 thoughts on “Finding myself…

  1. Yes….you are all those things and more…this post made me smile and very proud you are letting the real woman out….yaaayyyyy you

  2. yayyy us!!!! We are doing it, Miss Grace!!! WE are doing it! We are more than the title OW and we are more than other titles given to us….WE are strong women! We are awesome, that is what we are!!!! Keep going on your journey! Work through the pain and get to the other side. Eventuallly, you will learn to welcome your pain as you work through the trauma you experieced as child and will recognize it as healing. I know that sounds weird and crazy, but it is true. Welcome the pain and grieving because you are no longer using a defense mechnanism, but using the pain as something productive. And I will have your back if you go too far. I will be there. I got you on this one!

  3. This is a great post, but I don’t know how you do it! I’m doing better since my EA ended, but I still think about him ALL the time. I miss him. I am still stunned and confused about what happened. I have felt myself come back to me, which feels great, but where do I go from here? 4 years, the last of my 30s, spent on this man. How do I date, how do I find someone? I feel completely lost

  4. Thank you. Oh, I still miss him all the time, and I think him several times a day. He is the love of my life. And there is so much sadness that it didn’t work out and he is no longer a part of my life. I don’t want to date, I wanted him to be it forever, he was everything I had ever wanted in a man and more. The thing that I realized though is that by him staying married he was actually choosing his marriage over a relationship with me, and I really want to be a priority to the man I choose to spend my life with and I want to be his first choice. I was sacrificing so much of my happiness and what I wanted in a relationship, and for what? A man who is commited to another, who would never be there for me. I love him and still do, but it became about self love, self preservation and self respect. In all honesty, how could I expect him to respect me when I willingly accepted the little he had to offer me instead of loving myself enough to not accept less than I deserve? People treat us as we allow them to treat us.

    The dating thing…ugh! I am forcing myself out there. I am trying to get excited about it, but to be honest I am not. It is nice that I have found a man who is looking for no more than a companion at dinner. I can handle that, I think. As long as there is not a presumption that there will be more. I have yet to go on my date though, but soon. just thinking about makes me feel kind of sick, not the guy, just the thought of starting over. To get out there you just have to put yourself out there and let people know you are back into the dating game. Tell your friends, tell your family…You can try the online thing, just say you are looking for friendship now. Start slow with casual conversation and no expectations and just go from there. Think baby steps. I am trying to focus on my progress and not how much I miss and love him, as I wouldn’t get out of bed if I did that.

    I look forward to reading more of your story, you already have so much self awareness. This is a great place to find support. Beware there is one blogger that trolls our blogs…we send her to spam. Ignore her, she’s pretty much the only one though. You’ll know her when you see her comments. She is hateful, self righteous and bitter.

    Big hug! I wish you much peace now as you continue in you journey. 🙂

    • I just checked your blog, and you have indeed. Just send her to spam or blacklist her. She’s awful. And you don’t need to deal with her right now. You need to have a safe place to go with what you are thinking and feeling.

  5. It’s great to hear you are finding your way back to your true self. You sound like an amazing woman–and a woman who doesn’t need a cheating man. Being on your own is a wonderful thing, rediscovering who you are, remembering your strengths.
    My former lover Matthew texted me out of the blue the other night while I was writing my blog post and I damn near had a heart attack! It was like he could sense I was writing about him. I just ignored his text and went back to writing. it’s taken me a very long time to get to this point, believe me. My heart still flutters if I see him in town, but I talk myself through the temptation to take up with him again and remember the terrible aftermath and that gives me the strength to keep going forward.
    I wish you strength getting over your Mr. Big.

  6. Thank you. I think we are both amazing women. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing your success story. I think sometimes when you have so much love for someone, you move on, but you never get over them. I am hoping to move on in spite of my great love I still feel for him. It is nice to know it gets easier. You are so strong. Neither of us has contacted the other in almost two weeks, but I know I would not be able to ignore him if he reached out to me at this point. I am hoping to get there.

    Thanks again for reading and commenting. 🙂

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