Home » After Break Up » Today was a new day…

Today was a new day…

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Yep! That is the sun you see peeking through.  I am so glad to see it. 🙂 I know I still have a long way to go, but there was finally a little relief from the heavy weight of losing him. 

Today, was different.  Today was the first day I have felt more like me.  Not all the way there, but I definitely wasn’t drowning in sorrow.  I did things I hadn’t done in 10 days…like laundry, laugh, smile, feel playful, make plans, engage in a conversation that wasn’t about him, did my hair and make up, cleaned my place, took a business phone call, etc.  You know, the things that go beyond survival mode.  

The heaviness is still there, but it is lighter now.  It seems managable.  At least today. 

I remember learning in my psychology class that it take 21 days to make or break a habit.  I am hoping I am to the half way point of forming a life where my habit of him isn’t a reflex, like the desire to pick up the phone and tell him when something happens or to say good night.  I still miss him, but it felt more tolerable today. 

First of all a great, big thank you to all of you who have reached out to me during this very difficult time.  Your words, virtual hugs, and thoughts have really helped me.  My new friends made during this process has been my silver lining.

A funny story. that was very enlightening for me…The man that I said in previous posts that would like to take me out for dinner and wine, asked what my favorite restaurant was in town.  He’s a real foodie (and handsome). Well, I moved here during my relationship with W.  Outside of going to family member’s houses and local watering holes with friends I haven’t explored much of this city, because a lot of times you do those things on dates or with your partner. I hadn’t had many dates here with W, and when we did we didn’t explore the city much.  Mostly, because his visits were almost always through the week when my children had school.  I had no idea what to tell this man. I don’t have a favorite restaurant here.  I realized I hadn’t gotten out much, and that I had isolated myself a lot waiting on W, and just being depressed. I told him I haven’t explored the city much. He didn’t care, and actually seems more excited, than before to explore places with me and show me new restaurants and do the city scene here.  Though I have no idea where that will go (and don’t worry I am not jumping into anything), it felt nice to know somebody wanted to do those things with me and was available to do them.  The best part…he is single.  And yes, I checked.     

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17 thoughts on “Today was a new day…

  1. I’m glad you’re starting to feel better, find yourself again and see a ray of sun through that mist of sadness. Enjoy the date with the new guy, you’re allowed to forget about everything else for one evening!

  2. Hi there… I’m the guy that wrote a comment several weeks ago encouraging you to make the break…that you had the courage to push through the pain and make a decision that was right for you. Clearly, you struggled, but that was the exactly the territory that you had to go through in order to be where you seem to be today. No, doesn’t mean that there still is in some of that pain and angst ahead, but you’ve had a pretty good taste (a hint at least) of what life might be like
    at the end of the tunnel.

    I’ve always loved the word courage. It’s route is the French word for heart. So, to me, courage has always been the raw expression of the heart…and often when the heart is experiencing deepest levels of pain. Courage is about going with what is inside of you… What is truly inside of you. Though it’s devalued, most often in women, it is the willingness to go with what you feel…your intuition.

    And, you are doing all of that…complete with the requisite self-doubt…your writing, the willingness to put yourself out there in this blog so that you can read and reread the path you are taking. More often than not we are unaware of our own growth. We are too wrapped up in it to notice. I don’t know you but I do know your words and from this perspective you’re growing girl. Trust yourself.

  3. Why, thanks Cameron! I am trying. And believe me I know I am not over the hump, but I am making some baby steps in this journey. I write not only as a release for myself and a way to gain clarity, but so that others can see the growth that can happen when you plunge into the thing that you are most afraid of. The thing that blocks your path to what your heart truly desires. You have to go through this so you can see past the “fog” that these affairs leave you in. There really is no other way.

    It’s funny I have tried to go back and read some of my post and I can’t, because I feel the sadness all over again. It was brutal and honest. I hope to never go back there and I am hoping to come out of this with lessons learned so that I will make better choices next time. Leaving him didn’t mean I didn’t love him, it just meant I love myself enough to not be a doormat anymore. Good lord, no wonder he didn’t respect me, I didn’t even respect myself.

    Thanks for reading and commenting, and encouraging me onward. I really appreciate that beyond words.

    I would love to hear and read more of your story. Do you blog somewhere?

  4. No, I haven’t started blogging though I created one. There’s only so much time. Btw, pardon some of the grammatical errors…I dictated most of my comment and, while good, it does struggle at times…especially with homonyms…e.g. root/route.

    I’ll let you know when I have something to say.

    • I will forgive your grammatical errors if you forgive mine. Many times I have been writing with tears literally falling on the keyboard.

      I think your blog would offer a lot in a different perspective. I haven’t seen a blog with your perspective yet. It gets easier to put yourself out there the longer you do it. I do get some hate mail, from just one person. All of us OW do, it’s the same bitter and hateful perosn. She is a troll. We mostly just blacklist her and send her to spam. We all talk about her amongst ourselves and none of us take her seriously, but she is the only one. But most people are supportive and kind. Just something to think about. Thanks again!

    • Haven’t gone yet. I’ve been too busy to make plans. But I am hoping to be able to make it soon. And yes, it is nice not to be drowning in sorrow. The sorrow is still there, but it is nice to see positive steps forward. Thanks 🙂

  5. I think just knowing there are other men out there, other options, brings a little light into the mix, so keep exploring this new guy. You start to see how damaging being the OW really was, and so the healing begins.

    I still have a ways to go in my healing.

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