Yep! That is the sun you see peeking through. I am so glad to see it. 🙂 I know I still have a long way to go, but there was finally a little relief from the heavy weight of losing him.
Today, was different. Today was the first day I have felt more like me. Not all the way there, but I definitely wasn’t drowning in sorrow. I did things I hadn’t done in 10 days…like laundry, laugh, smile, feel playful, make plans, engage in a conversation that wasn’t about him, did my hair and make up, cleaned my place, took a business phone call, etc. You know, the things that go beyond survival mode.
The heaviness is still there, but it is lighter now. It seems managable. At least today.
I remember learning in my psychology class that it take 21 days to make or break a habit. I am hoping I am to the half way point of forming a life where my habit of him isn’t a reflex, like the desire to pick up the phone and tell him when something happens or to say good night. I still miss him, but it felt more tolerable today.
First of all a great, big thank you to all of you who have reached out to me during this very difficult time. Your words, virtual hugs, and thoughts have really helped me. My new friends made during this process has been my silver lining.
A funny story. that was very enlightening for me…The man that I said in previous posts that would like to take me out for dinner and wine, asked what my favorite restaurant was in town. He’s a real foodie (and handsome). Well, I moved here during my relationship with W. Outside of going to family member’s houses and local watering holes with friends I haven’t explored much of this city, because a lot of times you do those things on dates or with your partner. I hadn’t had many dates here with W, and when we did we didn’t explore the city much. Mostly, because his visits were almost always through the week when my children had school. I had no idea what to tell this man. I don’t have a favorite restaurant here. I realized I hadn’t gotten out much, and that I had isolated myself a lot waiting on W, and just being depressed. I told him I haven’t explored the city much. He didn’t care, and actually seems more excited, than before to explore places with me and show me new restaurants and do the city scene here. Though I have no idea where that will go (and don’t worry I am not jumping into anything), it felt nice to know somebody wanted to do those things with me and was available to do them. The best part…he is single. And yes, I checked.