I reblogged a post titled Can’t resist this quote on the blog Errant Satiety recently. It is a passage titled This is How You Lose Her.
I really like the end of the passage so I am adding it here.
You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is.
When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished.
When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay.
When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.
You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.”
W had asked me to marry him many times. We discussed an intimate wedding with just the two of us. I had told him that is how I saw it, just the two of us. The marriage was between just the two of us and I wanted to start that marriage, just us. To me it wasn’t a wedding that I wanted, but the beginning of a beautiful union between he and I. We were so intimate back in those days and found so much joy in just the essence of who each other is. In my mind’s eye I pictured us gazing tenderly in one another’s eyes, holding each others hands, facing each other with our bodies as close as they could be without actually becoming one as we spoke of our love, our hopes for the future, making promises to each other…A purely intimate ceremony meant to join us together as one and blend our hearts and families. At one point he said he had actually spent time writing his vows to me. I wish I knew what was written in his vows to me, because now I will never know.
In the end, he didn’t hold me tight and the wedding that we had dreamed of and envisioned was to never be. W said he was letting me go as a way to “save me” from my pain. He never acknowledged that him letting me go was the thing I was most terrified of and the thing that would cause me the greatest pain. That a life that didn’t include him was something I never even wanted to contemplate. He didn’t try to stop me when I said I can’t do this anymore. He didn’t look for ways for us to be together as we had planned. He didn’t fight for us or for me. He simply let me go as an act of “mercy” without a goodbye but with a simple apology for failing me. He simply let me and the visions of a future together slip away. I am not his and he is not mine…anymore.
I thought for all these months that I was fighting for a commitment from him. I was, but not the way I thought. I didn’t want him to keep the promises to me because he had made them. I wanted those promises to be his heart’s desire. Not out of obligation, but because he couldn’t imagine his life any other way. I wanted him to “keep” me not because he promised he would hold me tight, but because he WANTED to hold me tight and could imagine no other way than to hold tight to me. I wanted to feel worthy to be kept…