Home » Before Break Up » Ignorance is bliss…

Ignorance is bliss…

After seeing that Facebook post by his wife last night all I could think about is how happy she is.  Not that I begrudge her that, I’m glad that she isn’t suffering or hurting.  I’m quite jealous and wish I could go back and not know everything that I know and live under the guise of ignorance, even if it means that I am living a lie. At least then I wouldn’t feel like I do right now.

I looked back through my blog since I started it a little over a month ago.  38 posts in all.  There is not one happy one.  I have been blogging trying to relieve some of the feelings I am dealing with in private.  In public, I am a happy girl going through life.  I talk with my friends, spend time with my children and family, engage in social activities.  Most of the time I don’t feel like it, but I put on my happy face and force myself to get out there.  This has been where I can come and spew forth my heartache, resentment, frustration and anger. What I see written in my posts are my most prominent feelings daily.

I have been carrying the heartache of my relationship with W.  I’m the one who knows who he is and what he is capable of.  He gives her what she needs and keeps her happy.  I make him happy (or so he has told me hundreds of times), and he takes his happy self home and makes her happy.  I am the one that is left heartbroken with the ugly truths.  I carry the secrets, I bear the sacrifices to keep him happy.  I sacrifice so much of myself for him, and he in turn takes it to her.  I am not the benefactor of my sacrifice… he is and she is.

So, yes I want her ignorance.  I wish I had him home with me every night and I didn’t have to know the truths that I know.  I wish I could have her bliss.  Her ignorant bliss.  Her wedded bliss.

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23 thoughts on “Ignorance is bliss…

  1. Ugh. I feel for you. 😦
    Horrible facebook story to share:
    One Sunday I looked at my MM’s wife’s Facebook and she made reference to having an amazing night with “MM”. I realized when she posted that, it meant that they had sex. They have sex once a month, which is the amount that both are satisfied with together. Just knowing that this is what her post meant made me feel sick to my stomach. Although I know they are still having sex, I don’t care to know the exact night.

    On another note….I have made posts of “wedded bliss” etc on my FB and this is really only to keep up what others would expect from me, though my marriage is the farthest thing from wedded bliss. Perhaps his wife is just posting this to try to convince others, and perhaps more so, herself.

    • Your story about the sex post on FB just made my stomach hurt. I would probably lose it. I can’t even imagine. He tells me that they don’t have sex. Though I know most MM tell the OW that. I don’t know if I could have continued to be with him if I knew for sure they were having sex. I guess we all allow ourselves to believe certain “truths” or push certain thoughts out of our minds so that we can justify the relationship and continue it.

      Funny, I have since confronted him about the FB post. He said exactly what you said about it being a front to make her look good in the community in which they live. I know that people do that from time to time, but I don’t think I believe this is the case for her. He does too much to not make waves at home so that she stays happy and he doesn’t raise red flags. So, unfortunately for me I think she is might really believe this, because he is playing the part of good husband. Also, he just told me that she is starting to appreciate him more and how good she has had it being married to him. ugh!

  2. I really truly feel your pain. In my case her FBook is all locked down so there’s nothing for me to see, but even so I’m now doubting everything he ever described about his marriage.

    There are some elements I know to be 100% true, but I’m starting to wonder about the rest…

    Someone once said to me yonks ago “It’s very hard to accept the man you love is a liar” – that is resonating with me more than ever right now.

    X x

  3. Egads…..I read this and it honestly made my stomach churn…..the last thing in the world I have ever wanted was to be in the BS shoes…..the idea of being married to a cheater brings more pain than Im sure I could ever imagine…perhaps that says something about my perspective on the whole thing…I would hate being the last one to know…..i suppose what appealed to me as the OW is knowing he shared things with me he wouldnt dare share with his wife….it wasnt until the end I discovered him holding back that opened my eyes to the fact we were no longer each other’s confidants and that is something I am able to have missing in a close intimate relationship…i know his past more than she does …that I have to say what attracted me most to him….the first time we met and were intimate he asked me tell me your deepest darkest secret … i really didnt have one…but he did and share all of it with me and I couldnt tell you how honored I was with him feeling safe enough with me to disclose such a thing and knowing I wouldnt judge him…it was that I found so attractive about him…his brutal honesty…the lies are what led to our divide

    • I agree being the OW you do feel like you are the guardian of the secrets. It makes you feel close to them.

      I’m trying to be more articulate in my response, but my head is still spinning and my thoughts aren’t coming out right. I hate this feeling.

  4. I promise as you go through this process of self discovery things will get better and you will be stronger and a bit more insightful about yourself and your own motivations…you will be able to love you and not rely on this man for the love you believe he is providing you…I had a thought the other day and it was this…if this man truly cared about me he would have let me go as he knew how much pain I was in and that is the kindest thing that he could have done … instead he waited until I made the decision…which supports my belief of him being a coward and selfish

    • I have had that same thought…If he really loved me he would do the right thing by me. Either make himself available to provide me with a full relationship that meets both our needs and desires, or let me go so that I could move on and find somebody who can and would provide that for me. I don’t like to think of W as a coward or selfish, but the reality is it takes a lot of courage and strength to make tough decisions and stick with them sometimes, and he hasn’t been able to do that. Also, I know he keeps me in his pocket and on the sidelines because he enjoys what he gets from me. So, both of those things ring true. 😦

      Thanks again for your comments and thoughts. It sounds as if you are coping well with leaving. That makes me happy. 🙂

      • I’m trying to cope … don’t get me wrong I miss the illusion of love and intimacy…I also hated to think of my MM as a coward and selfish but all facts lead to that realization…I require a very strong man as I am a very strong woman…anything less will not do

  5. I checked her Facebook too when I found out about him being married. I never did when I was with him and now thought of it, I don’t know why I didn’t. It could had saved all the heartache and anger because I wouldn’t let myself be with him. The family pictures are killing me deeply. It tells me how much he can lie to all of us. I understand your feelings.

    • The family pictures!! Ugh! That was tough the first time I saw them. I thought she had died, so when I found her FB page and her profile was a picture of the two of them together…I thought I would pass out, like literally pass out. Then I saw the family photos, when he wasn’t supposed to have any children. There they were all so happy. I literally vomited at the sight of that. I understand your feelings as well. :/

  6. I’ve thought a lot about this post. When he warned her to be more comfortable with our relationship, he asked me to friend her on FB, which I did. I then had to look at posts of their family life. We had one argument last summer when something got posted about happily ever after on one of their FB pages (his or hers, I can’t remember) it was then that we both realized that, because we’d built our social connections, with the intention of, as he used to say, hiding in plain sight, there’d be no easy out. After I told him to choose and he picked her (an empowering step even though I knew what he’d say, btw) the way that I found out he’d told her was that all of a sudden she was gone from my FB. He never told me, I gad to ask him what he’d done…. After we’d promised that we’d never say anything – no matter what, he told her & let me find out on FB. (Yet he’s mad that I didn’t keep his secret… Just a little pot-kettle, but whatever). When we first split, it’d drive me crazy to read her WordPress blog, (I used to be unable to resist peeking at it from time to time before she knew that I knew about it – he knew I knew about the blog, but he never told her, so I’d get these peeks at her mindset, when she never knew I was looking) where she’d go on and on about the normalcy of their life, all the whilst I knew that they were supposed to be healing from his allegedly “emotional” affair. Her writing back then made me realize that she’d used social media not to reflect her true life, but to portray the image that she wanted the world to believe to be true. One day I realized that peeking into her mind was not a view that I wanted to see, nothing good could come of it. I’ve not been back to her blog since that day, and not for all the money in the world would I go back. IMHO if she’s all of a sudden started posting about wedded bliss when she’s not done so before, chances are she’s aware that something is going on. It’s plain that his history makes it challenging for you to trust what he says, least of all about his marriage, but equally, there’s no reason to believe that anything on her social media is the truth. Protect yourself… Do not look at her social media – no good can come to you from doing so. The bigger question is, do you want to be with a man who you know you cannot 100% trust? Don’t envy her wedded bliss – even if she’s sincere, her bliss is laced with his lies.{hugs} & sorry for the verbose reply!

    • Every time you post something all I can think is that you are an incredibly strong woman. I don’t know how you did it. Being in love with him and having to see the truth that was his life every day like that. I agree with the no looking at the social media. It isn’t something that I do often, because I know that it can bring things to the surface that I don’t need to know or will just hurt me (ignorance is bliss). Honestly, there had never been anything there until this week. It actually gave me reassurance to see she wasn’t posting things, and that perhaps he was on the up and up about his marriage. You have given me a different perspective about how she might know something is up. I did confront him about this today, and he said it was facade to keep up appearances, but then he added that she is starting to be different at home and caring with him, because she is finally realizing how good she has/had it with him. So, there may be some truth to the fact she is catching on.

      I have asked myself the same questions about being with him and not being able to trust him. To be honest, I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust another man after what W and my ex-fiance put me through. sigh. But that is a question I ask myself daily.

  7. LOL….showering is a good thing…took me 3 days from the day I ended things before I made it there….I can tell you my roomy appreciated it as we are snowed in together…yaaaayyyy for showering…love you women

    • Thanks 😉 Funny, how blogging has helped me, and reading other blogs have helped me too. I am truly grateful for the women who have written their blogs in an attempt to heal their own hurt, they have also helped many others. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. It helps to know I’m not alone..or crazy! 🙂 Big hug!

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