So, one of the ways I figured out that my W was married was Facebook. Once I had his real name and the town he lived in I was able to do some research. I check his wife’s Facebook page periodically. I don’t know why. Curiosity, I suppose. I don’t know her. Like many OW I am curious to get the wife’s side of the story. This gives me some insight into her perspective. I don’t check it often. She doesn’t post a whole lot, and nothing about her family usually. I would say I hadn’t looked at her account in about month, until last night. I’m not sure I am glad I did or not. In my previous post I ended with saying I was looking for a catalyst to either leave W or stay. I may have found that last night. I am still shaking.
W has always maintained that his wife is distant. Pays no attention to him. He says they rarely even talk unless it is about the kids. He claims that they don’t do things together, sleep together, or even eat meals together. He says they are like roommates that aren’t even friends really. I believed this some what. His constant contact with me would suggest that that is a possibility. I always wondered how he could constantly text me in his house without arising suspicion. Even this past week I asked if she had questioned changes in his behavior since we met a year ago. He claimed that she hadn’t because she is uninterested in him.
Fast forward to last night. I checked her page and during the days he spent with me this week she was Facebooking what a great husband she had and about their years of wedded bliss. Wedded BLISS! She thanks him for being the best husband, friend, father. This is the first time I had seen posts of this nature since we had met. It knocked the wind out of me. Literally, knocked the wind out of me.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around this. I haven’t told him yet. I have only said that I was upset and would discuss it later. Later being when I could form rational sentences instead of lashing out in rage.
Here are some of my thoughts. I know that people put up things on their Facebook page to maintain the appearance of a happy life even when things are not so happy. However, something in my gut tells me that is not the case. There were comments on her post from people congratulating her etc… Her Facebook page was the final piece of the puzzle as I pieced together his “real” life several months ago. For me it is a place of truth. Here is one thing that give me pause as to if her post was entirely true of her perspective, or if she was just painting a pretty picture for their friends and family. Over the course of the past year W did something with me that would suggest that his marriage is far from happy. This would be spending his wedding anniversary and his birthday with me…the entire day and night for both occasions, though under the guise of being on a business trip.
If this is truly her perspective of their marriage, he has been doing a good job of playing the part of husband at home. Which would mean I have been lied to once again and he has been playing us both. If she thinks she is in wedded bliss, she is either in denial or completely clueless, because she is far from wedded bliss with this man. Can he be that good at switching roles that when he returns home he is completely able to hide our relationship? Who is this man I have shared my heart, soul and body with?
I didn’t enter into this relationship with the knowledge I would be the other woman. I thought he was a widower. Then later when I knew the truth I thought he was leaving her for me. It wasn’t until recently I began to wise up. He is that good at convincing me that his feelings and intentions are real. He sells it so well.
Sorry, I know this post is all over the place. I have yet to confront him with my new found knowledge. I don’t yet know what I am going to say, how I am going to say it. My head is spinning. I don’t know what is real and what isn’t real. I feel numb and indecisive. I feel crummy. I wish I could talk to her. I won’t call her, email or text her, but man I wish I knew her story in this.