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Plans vs. Promises

“I can’t”

“I wish”

“I promise”

“I would love to…but”

“One day….however”

Promises vs. Plans  – Many times married men say these things.  Phrases that include the words above are merely promises, not plans.  They give us hope that things will happen that we are hoping for.  Learning to recognize this would save us many wasted days in relationships that are not going where we want or need.  Here is an example of something he might say…

I wish so badly I could be with you right.  I would love to spend my future with you.  I promise that this time next year we will be together.  One day this will all be behind us.  I wish I could do that now, but I can’t right now.  I want to do that for you, for us so that we can truly be together.  That’s what I want.

I can’t – This really means “I won’t” Don’t be confused…this man is not taking responsibility for their own decisions or actions. They are saying, “I have not made the decision yet to really be with you.”

I wish –  This man is saying, “I am not willing to do what is necessary to be with you at this time.”

One day…however -He is saying, “I am giving you hope for a possible future with me, so you will hang in there.”

I promise -what he is really saying, “I have to give you something to keep you hanging in there and on the hook.”

I would love to…but -He probably would love to, but there is no way he is going to risk what he has going on in his life for you.

Plans are different than promises.

When men are making plans:

They ask questions about what you want, how you want to do it, if it will work for you, etc…

They are doing things in their lives to make it possible for you to be together.

They are making arrangements to separate from their spouses.

They are talking to their spouse about how to get divorced.

They are seeing attorneys.

They are moving out of the house.

They are being open and honest.

They are using words like this…I will do that, I will be there, etc…

They are there when you need them.

They are in the process of doing what is necessary to be your partner.

They aren’t making you a secret. They are introducing you to family and friends.  You are a part of their life, you aren’t living the shadows.

Men who are making promises aren’t making plans.  Plans to see you aren’t the same as plans to be with you.  Promises of a future aren’t the same as plans for a future.  

Start looking at their actions and not their words.  Men who really want to be with you, will be with you if you allow them to.  They aren’t making excuses for their absence.  A wise woman once said to me…If a man wants to be with you he will move mountains to be with you.  This is true.  They will.  I have seen it happen.

If you aren’t with an “I can” “I will” or “a mountain moving man” chances are you are being led on.  For me…I want a mountain mover!


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