Home » Before Break Up » Relationships are like an orange tree…

Relationships are like an orange tree…


Today has been a rather hard day.  While trying to explain to W why I am not the happy, fun girl I used to be, I compared our relationship to an Orange tree. I explained that trying to have a happy, healthy relationship with him was like trying to grow an orange tree in Alaska or somewhere super cold.  If you look at this analogy it makes sense.

There isn’t anything wrong with us.  I love him.  He loves me. We are amazing together. I mean absolutely amazing together. But as we grew the need to take root somewhere grew.  You can’t keep an orange tree in a container forever, eventually you have to plant it.  If the only place to plant it is in Canada you have got big problems, because it won’t grow.  You can’t leave in the container, and if you don’t plant it in the right environment it will die.

As the tree grows the needs for a proper environment change.  Trying to build a relationship while one person is committed to another person is impossible.  It can’t be done.  There is no where for the roots to take hold, and the environment will kill it.

Relationships are like orange trees.  Even in the best environments sometimes there is a frost that keeps them from yielding fruit.  Too many frosts and the tree will die.  They have to be nurtured and cared for if you want the best fruit.

W relented today that something had to give.  I’m thinking he meant me, but I’m hoping that it is something different.

Relationships are like orange trees.


12 thoughts on “Relationships are like an orange tree…

      • It’s actually been a good couple of days. Of course, he’s been on call, & not at work, during the day, so I’ve not had to see him. The test of whether I’ve made any movement forwards will come Monday, when we are back at work together.

      • That has to be hard, I cant even imagine. Mine lives 3 hours away. I don’t have to worry about bumping into him. We haven’t gone no contact though. He is still in the stages of saying he is leaving and wants to be with me. However, it is always something…the kids (which all but one are grown and out of the house), the house, the wife isn’t well, financially cant make it happen, etc. All the reasons men give for not leaving. We are at a stage disequilibrium as I have gotten tired of waiting, and starting to realize it probably won’t happen. It has been 11 months, and there isn’t any progress on his end. It is incredibly hard to be in love with somebody, who is committed to another person with very little, if any, hope of them leaving. I’m still trying to figure it all out. The no contact thing would be so incredibly hard. I hope it doesn’t come that. I admire for your strength in being able to maintain that.

      • I don’t think that he’ll ever forgive me for painting him into a corner where he had to tell his wife.

      • How did you do that? Did you just get to the point you had to have a decision? Was he going back and forth as well? I’m sure he doesn’t hate you.

        Mine has never said he wasn’t going to leave. In fact, he has been so emphatic that he is leaving and I am what he wants. He has never waivered in his words. He just waivered in his actions. He has asked me to marry him more times than I can remember. He has sent me wedding info. We have spent hours planning our wedding, but when it came to get an attorney and start things on his end, he just kind of clammed up. He’s reading the book When Good People Have Affairs. I hope he get some clarity from that.

      • We intentionally built an interconnected social network, but the basis of those connections are two women with whom I’m close. I told him that I didn’t want him (or by default her) around our social group. He had no way to explain it to her other than to say what’d happened.
        We’d both always maintained that this was not about anyone leaving – his home life is such, she’s dependent on him physically & financially. It was only when I faced up to what never leaving meant to me that this became untenable for me – and eventually trying to suck it up & accept what I got just became too hard.

      • I just saw this comment. Wow. I used to think that if I knew someone in his circle of friends or family that I would love that. However, I don’t know a single friend or family member of his, never have seen them or met them. I have seen photos, but that is it. After hearing what you have gone through, I suppose that is blessing to have that distance from his circle.

        Oh, and most everybody in my circle knows him or at least of him and his circumstances. They have all been really supportive, but they really don’t understand what I am going through, because they haven’t been through it. At least they don’t judge me or him. That is a bonus.

        I think I am at the point you were when you were realizing that him leaving is a thing that would never be a possibility for him. If that becomes painfully clear, I will at that point walk away too. I won’t do this much longer, but for now I have a small hope. Currently, he almost seems to be at a point of paralysis, too scared to leave, too scared to let me go. But, I know that if he doesn’t leave soon, I will. I won’t like it, he won’t like it, but in the end I have to do what is best for me. I am single and available for a full relationship, and ultimately that is my goal. I won’t sacrifice that.

      • Whatever winds up being right for you, I hope it works out for you… But I don’t think that they ever leave unless they have to; for myself, I get great comfort from knowing I ended it. I don’t know how I’d feel if he showed up to be with me only because she tossed him. I never was willing to be a plan b – and I don’t mean that to sound harsh, I’m not saying that’s your situation, I’m saying that’s what it would’ve been in my case. I’ll be thinking of you! *hugs*

      • And no, he’s said he doesn’t hate me. I’ve offered to quit a couple of times & he maintains that while if he knew what was good for him he’d ask me to leave, he doesn’t want me to go.

      • Well, for what it is worth, I think you are very strong. I sincerely, admire your strength. Thanks for reaching out to me. It helps to talk to someone who has some idea of what I am going through. Thank you. I hope Monday is a good day and you see some progress forward. I’ll be thinking of you.

      • Thanks! Yes, it really does help to know that you’re not alone; you create isolation in these situations, because you have to have it – but there are a lot of people out there trying to sort all of this out!

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